I Love This Creepy Vegan Pig

http://youtube.com/watch?v=05zhL1YUd8Q

I wrote this song a real long time ago, a real real long time ago

Even while on vacation, I was thinking and observing for you. Here are the gems of wisdom I came up with (and am now posting a month later, whoops):
Have you ever noticed how carnivores, when they realize there is more than one veghead in a room, have to find and loudly congratulate each other? As though they are maybe upholding justice as the last stronghold of animal-eaters? What is the deal?
Also, when people see me eating veggieburgers, they act like they have caught me in some act of treason, and accuse me of secretly craving meat, and assert that if I want it so bad, I should just eat meat and get over it. All rational arguments aside, I came up with a mildly witty retort: “No, you just crave the flavorful succulence of vegetables and are trying to re-create it by cooking and seasoning that bland flesh just right, but give it up already. Vegetables are soooo much easier.”

From OBX, with love
P.S. I read some pages from the book Skinny Bitch, which advises women on how to become a skinny bitch (bitch in the sense that other women are overwhelmed with jealousy of how good you look). The book advocates veganism and is also hilarious. When I read it, I will submit a full report.

Vindication

I received this wall post recently from my delicious vegan friend. Enjoy.

"THIS GOES OUT TO ANYONE THAT HAS EVER GIVEN ME SHIT ABOUT BEING VEGAN...AND ALSO TO THOSE WHO HAVENT.....I recently had to give blood for my job since I work with toxic metals... Come to find out... my protein levels are 8.1 on a scale that is 6.0-8.0 and my iron count is 149 on a scale from 50-160. And my calcium was 9.8 on a scale of 8.5-10.5...Healthy as a horse."

BEES BEES BEES

People often get most hostile over honey. They just can't fathom why anyone would give up honey. What amazes me is that, out of all the other animal products, it seems to be the least pervasive in our food. So you'd think it'd be the last thing on their minds. Instead, it tends to be the last straw for them on the list of things I don't eat. It also tends to be the most difficult for me explain. So I found this following excerpt on a PETA site to explain for me:

From a former beekeeper: "[T]ypically, beekeepers are gloved and netted to avoid stings (nearly every bee who stings will die due to her entrails being pulled from her body attached to her stinger.) Then the hives are opened as quickly as possible and the bees are 'smoked.' Smoke from a smoldering fire carried in a 'smoker' is pumped into the hive and the bees are 'calmed.' In spite of this, the combs are pulled quickly and many bees are crushed in the process. When a bee is hurt, she releases a chemical message that alerts and activates the hive members who proceed to attack the intruder—giving their lives in the process."

So I was enjoying the latest issue of Cosmo and enjoying all of the entertaining and highly literary articles and features when I saw the word 'vegan' on a page, so naturally I was thrilled until I actually read the segment. It was about why your man is so thrilled to be grilling outside, and one of the reasons went something like this:
Even if he is cooking up vegetables for your cranky vegetarian friends (please never invite the vegans), he knows he'll be eating a great deal of meat shortly.
Aside from it being tremendously homoerotic, I was unamused. I don't believe that choosing to live a cruelty-free life makes someone "cranky", except when it results in such snarky treatment from those around them, who for whatever reason are threatened by the tastiness of veg girls. Vegans don't want to hang out with you anyway, Cosmo.

Not a Hamburger, Just a Salad

Short and sweet (sour?):

So I was thinking about what Rachel posted about the vegan quiz and vegan stereotypes. Why would vegans be labeled as militant? I know not everyone's reasons for veganism are the same, but for me, a lot of it is about compassion and nonviolence. I would propose the rest of society is much more militant as people support abuse and murder.

The U.S. Rick Rolled Me

This is how I feel about the majority of the United States:

Success?

I was riding in the van today, recollecting about whether seafood was good or not, when I realized it has been over four years since I have intentionally eaten any kind of meat.
95 x 4 = 380. Let the autofellatio begin.

Captain's Log, Day 9

Here we are at VIMS Eastern Shore Lab, watching everyone else devour the delicate marine ecosystems. Some might say this is too harsh. I disagree. Knowing exactly how important some components of the ecosystem are to the Bay (including filter-feeding bivalves) and then eating them is pretty destructive. Also, "this is one of few remaining crucial but fragile seagrass beds in this area. We're going to trawl it." But I digress.
Yesterday, we were taking quizzes about what kind of vegan are you, how much do you know about veganism, etc. As it turns out, I am a vegan vixen, with my second option being a militant vegan, and Erica was the reverse. But we also took quizzes about "What kind of diet do you keep?" and it rated us on a scale of vegan "chillness". According to the website, chillness is a measure of how much you actually try to keep animal products out of your food. A chill vegan will eat bread baked with dairy but not consume straight dairy. A very chill vegan will eat cheese pizza when she is feeling especially chill. That sounds more like vegancurious or veganflexible to me, not someone who actually cares about what animal products go into her food.
Which brings me to my next point:
Having to monitor exactly what kind of bread the very sweet receptionist gets when she goes to the grocery store (Stroehmann Split Top Wheat Family Size) is pretty ridiculous. I feel like maybe vegans/kosher jews/lactose intolerants/any people who give a shit about what is in their food should be able to eat bread without fear. Except most of my food is cross-contaminated with milk products and bits of insects. Wtf the FDA.

Chick-fil-a

So I saw an advertisement for Chick-fil-a on a billboard the other day. And it hit me how sick and twisted we are. In the ads, the cows are trying to convince people to eat more chicken. I'm assuming this is because they don't want to die. So we as consumers recognize that the cows don't want to die? That it's something that would cause them suffering? And yet we think nothing of it. We give our food a voice, but only for our own twisted comedy.

Just some "food for thought."