lol wut

“Vegetarians, and their Hezbollah-like splinter faction, the vegans, are a persistent irritant to any chef worth a damn. To me, life without veal stock, pork fat, sausage, organ meat, demi-glace, or even stinky cheese is a life not worth living. Vegetarians are the enemy of everything good and decent in the human spirit, and an affront to all I stand for, the pure enjoyment of food.”
- Anthony Bourdain, host of No Reservations, “Kitchen Confidential,” p. 70

Animal Abuse?

http://www.cnn.com/2008/CRIME/09/18/actor.cat.cruelty.ap/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

So I was reading this article and I almost cried because it is super sad and the cat looked super sweet, plus thinking about how like, people who abuse animals also abuse people (please note the way he chose to wake his girlfriend), but then I got more upset thinking about the way farm animals are treated in this country, tormented and killed in the millions for basically no better reason than this guy had, and yet he is facing criminal charges while people who facilitate the beating to death of cows and pigs make the big bucks. I don't get it. This is one of the top reasons I won't date a meat-eater. Anyone who thinks it's ok to kill, thinks it's ok to kill YOU. Maybe.

I Love This Creepy Vegan Pig

http://youtube.com/watch?v=05zhL1YUd8Q

I wrote this song a real long time ago, a real real long time ago

Even while on vacation, I was thinking and observing for you. Here are the gems of wisdom I came up with (and am now posting a month later, whoops):
Have you ever noticed how carnivores, when they realize there is more than one veghead in a room, have to find and loudly congratulate each other? As though they are maybe upholding justice as the last stronghold of animal-eaters? What is the deal?
Also, when people see me eating veggieburgers, they act like they have caught me in some act of treason, and accuse me of secretly craving meat, and assert that if I want it so bad, I should just eat meat and get over it. All rational arguments aside, I came up with a mildly witty retort: “No, you just crave the flavorful succulence of vegetables and are trying to re-create it by cooking and seasoning that bland flesh just right, but give it up already. Vegetables are soooo much easier.”

From OBX, with love
P.S. I read some pages from the book Skinny Bitch, which advises women on how to become a skinny bitch (bitch in the sense that other women are overwhelmed with jealousy of how good you look). The book advocates veganism and is also hilarious. When I read it, I will submit a full report.

Vindication

I received this wall post recently from my delicious vegan friend. Enjoy.

"THIS GOES OUT TO ANYONE THAT HAS EVER GIVEN ME SHIT ABOUT BEING VEGAN...AND ALSO TO THOSE WHO HAVENT.....I recently had to give blood for my job since I work with toxic metals... Come to find out... my protein levels are 8.1 on a scale that is 6.0-8.0 and my iron count is 149 on a scale from 50-160. And my calcium was 9.8 on a scale of 8.5-10.5...Healthy as a horse."

BEES BEES BEES

People often get most hostile over honey. They just can't fathom why anyone would give up honey. What amazes me is that, out of all the other animal products, it seems to be the least pervasive in our food. So you'd think it'd be the last thing on their minds. Instead, it tends to be the last straw for them on the list of things I don't eat. It also tends to be the most difficult for me explain. So I found this following excerpt on a PETA site to explain for me:

From a former beekeeper: "[T]ypically, beekeepers are gloved and netted to avoid stings (nearly every bee who stings will die due to her entrails being pulled from her body attached to her stinger.) Then the hives are opened as quickly as possible and the bees are 'smoked.' Smoke from a smoldering fire carried in a 'smoker' is pumped into the hive and the bees are 'calmed.' In spite of this, the combs are pulled quickly and many bees are crushed in the process. When a bee is hurt, she releases a chemical message that alerts and activates the hive members who proceed to attack the intruder—giving their lives in the process."

So I was enjoying the latest issue of Cosmo and enjoying all of the entertaining and highly literary articles and features when I saw the word 'vegan' on a page, so naturally I was thrilled until I actually read the segment. It was about why your man is so thrilled to be grilling outside, and one of the reasons went something like this:
Even if he is cooking up vegetables for your cranky vegetarian friends (please never invite the vegans), he knows he'll be eating a great deal of meat shortly.
Aside from it being tremendously homoerotic, I was unamused. I don't believe that choosing to live a cruelty-free life makes someone "cranky", except when it results in such snarky treatment from those around them, who for whatever reason are threatened by the tastiness of veg girls. Vegans don't want to hang out with you anyway, Cosmo.

Not a Hamburger, Just a Salad

Short and sweet (sour?):

So I was thinking about what Rachel posted about the vegan quiz and vegan stereotypes. Why would vegans be labeled as militant? I know not everyone's reasons for veganism are the same, but for me, a lot of it is about compassion and nonviolence. I would propose the rest of society is much more militant as people support abuse and murder.

The U.S. Rick Rolled Me

This is how I feel about the majority of the United States:

Success?

I was riding in the van today, recollecting about whether seafood was good or not, when I realized it has been over four years since I have intentionally eaten any kind of meat.
95 x 4 = 380. Let the autofellatio begin.